road trippin

2009-02-26T17:27:00.000-08:00

things you learn in kindergarden:

1. share everything
2. play fair
3. don't hit people
4. put things back where you found them
5. clean up your own mess
6. don't take things that aren't yours
7. say sorry when you hurt somebody
8. wash your hands before you eat
9. flush
10. warm cookies and cold milk are good for you
11. take a nap every afternoon
12. hold hands, and stick together

2009-02-03T19:07:00.000-08:00

three women, three degrees of greying hair. and towards the end of the road... is this all that life can offer? to sit around, having no purpose in life, no aim left in mind. to just wait out the days, have meaningless conversations. talk about the weather, and maybe the neighour's rebellious daughter. if one day it comes to that... i think i'll be damn sad.

but aiya for now. i think ie still got time to dream. i just hope at the age of 50-60 i still have the capacity to do it. oh maybe i'll be living it already. dream.

this events thingy is getting to me. so exciting!!! now i'm doing something.

I've Dreamed Many A Dream That's Never Come True,
I've Seen Them Vanish At Dawn
But Enough Of My Dreams Have Come True
To Make Me Keep Dreaming On.

I've Prayed Many A Prayer
That Seemed No Answer Would Come,
Though I'd Waited So Patient And Long
But Enough Answers Have Come To My Prayers
To Make Me Keep Praying On.

I've Sown Many A Seed That's Fallen By The Wayside,
For The Birds To Feed Upon
But I've Held Enough Sheaves In My Hands
To Make Me Keep Sowing On.

I've Trusted Many A Friend That's Failed Me
And Left Me To Weep Alone
But Enough Of My Friends Have Been True-Blue
To Make Me Keep Trusting On.

I've Drained The Cup Of Disappointment And Pain,
And Gone Many A Day Without A Song
But I've Sipped Enough Nectar From The Roses Of Life,
To Make Me Want To Live On.

I Don't Regret A Mile, I've Traveled For The Lord
I Don't Regret The Times I've Trusted In His Word
I've Seen The Years Go By, Many Days Without A Song
But I Don't Regret A Mile, I've Traveled For The Lord.

2009-02-03T07:30:00.000-08:00

three women, three degrees of greying hair. and towards the end of the road... is this all that life can offer? to sit around, having no purpose in life, no aim left in mind. to just wait out the days, have meaningless conversations. talk about the weather, and maybe the neighour's rebellious daughter. if one day it comes to that... i think i'll be damn sad.

but aiya for now. i think ie still got time to dream. i just hope at the age of 50-60 i still have the capacity to do it. oh maybe i'll be living it already. dream.

this events thingy is getting to me. so exciting!!! now i'm doing something.

Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
The hammer of the gods
Will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying:
Valhalla, I am coming!
On we sweep with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the western shore.

Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
How soft your fields so green,
Can whisper tales of gore,
Of how we calmed the tides of war.
We are your overlords.
On we sweep with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the western shore.
So now youd better stop and rebuild all your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day
Despite of all your losing.

2009-01-26T19:02:00.000-08:00

yea its all about dreams dreams and dreams. sometimes i think i dream too much. but it really keeps me going. fuel for life! haha er ch thinks i'm too positive and i sort of have to agree with him. its not like i don't feel down at all. i have my days la. i mean. but i get over things pretty quickly. haha and i love the way my brain/heart functions. hate to brood over things.

i can't wait for 'working on a dream' to be released! it's out today actually. i want the deluxe edition! it's so appropriate.. the mood i'm in right now. working on a dream.

Oh Shenandoah, I love your daughter
Way-aye, you rolling river
I'll take her 'cross yon rolling water
A way - we're bound away

2009-01-26T08:22:00.000-08:00

sometimes you think. aiya why do it for people. then another part of you says screw it, you gotta be bigger than that. else you'd be at the same level. ok and so i guess it sometimes gives others the impression you're open to having pple trample over you. i see that there are 2 ways to go. go even higher or stoop low and and just give shit.

i've got this strong urge to be free. and right now the concept of 'free' is somehow being associated with drinking, wine bottles, jack daniel's, bruce springsteen, eli, richard branson, wild horses, crazy ass gigs, dream theater, long hair, and fields of gold. quite an odd mix but yea... these things capture the essence of being free. ok at least to me, for now. hm. i'm screwed. but i really do wanna be free! ok i just want that kinda spirit. like i just don't give a shit. which, in my current context, is quite hard to achieve.

i just realised... the nice lady that performs on stage whith bruce springsteen, she's his wife actually. oh my goodness. i must add her on my list of associations with the word 'free'. she reminds me of a wild horse, and she looks pretty damn free. as in carefree. i really just want to be happy doing the things that i like. life's too short to be spent fussing over everyday things that probably don't even matter. which brings me back to my first point. ok maybe i shldnt give a shit about giving a shit abt what others do. step one to being free.

Another day begins and now I'm thinking
That this indifference was my invention
When everything I did sought your attention

2009-01-19T07:48:00.000-08:00

uuurgh. there are too many things bogging me down right now. i think it's a case of having too many things to care abt. and sometimes i really don't want to. haiya.

ahh. the interview on thursday is starting to look so important. the benefits of getting the job... i cannot imagine la. it will help so much in the future. i dunno what to do if i lose it. phil 4:6.

take your hands off me
cuz i can't see

2009-01-15T07:02:00.000-08:00

new drive for life,
new skin for wine.

k i've got a new inspiration. and that's richard branson. i know this is like really odd. but i'm really impressed by the way he chooses to live life. i would love to do it his way. too bad not everyone can be as crazy, and still get away with it - with everyone behind you too. nothing ventured nothing gained. i guess that sums up his philosophy for life. try everything once at least. can i? hm. i'd love to try. oh oh. now this is some logic circle is it. not? watever.

and now you gotta accept the fact that things are gonna change. i can't see beyond six months really. but right now i just wanna cherish my time, my life, and everyone around me. a whole new world awaits after this break. university... new people to meet... new commitments.. new experiences... new things to do. say hello uncertainty. and i don't want to forget. i guess now's an opportunity to do some consolidation. it's something like having a major stock take. or.. a regroup of sorts. before the actual war begins. reflecting on all my past experiences, all the lessons learnt, all the people i've known, and building on whatever i've garnered thus far. i really wanna settle myself and think about how i'm going to tackle the next 4 years of my life. paradigms, attitudes, goals, dreams. i don't like to waste time. i hope i don't.

speaking of war. i wanna be cool like zhu ge liang. but he's a tad too handsome no?

i say
have a nice day

2009-01-03T02:28:00.000-08:00

well i'm suffering from severe post korea blues. urgh i left my seoul there. charming place. korea. i guess it wasn't so much of the things i did. there was a lot of emotion involved in the trip. elation, anger, exasperation, disappointment... yikes i think it was more of an emotional roller coaster ride. glad we came out of it unscathed. with new friendships formed too.. like i love my 2 tour guides! jenny and judy. thank you jenny, for being a mom/sis to us. i'll remember you forever, for the laughter, wine, beer, sashimi and cigarette smoke that we shared. i've never had a cooler tour guide, and i've never befriended one before.. don't grow old alright. i'll definitely visit you if i ever go back! you've been quite an inspiration, and i'll be keeping your words in mind.

ok so 2009 is here. doesn't feel like the new year though. maybe the whole korea trip dulled my excitement for 2009. any resolutions? hm. i want to be disciplined this year. for allll of my commitments. little plans and goals that i have for myself. i want to be able to see it come to fruition. to have the end in mind and work towards it la. basically. oh it's really interesting that korea has this theme for the year. and for 2009 it's 'hope'. for all the shit that's going on in this world... i think hope is what we all need. hope. for better things to come.

i need some time to reflect upon 2008. one of these days boy. gotta sit down and start thinking.

i need to kick myself out of the post korea trip blues. seriously. AAAAAH. it's getting to me. it's just horrible that after 10 days of being so close to a country, so much into a culture, you're totally cut off. it's so horrible that i'm tempted to go watch some korean drama that i watched ages ago. not cuz i like it. but i just want to have some association with the country and culture. insignificant as it may be, just to get that feeling again. to be able to to hear the now familiar 'anyeonghasaeyohs' all over again. and to be able to see the weird squares and circles which make up the korean characters. sooob. pfft. ok stop. stop. stop. think positive boy. maybe i'll pick up korean and go back there again. on a free and easy trip. and i'll pick up some hot korean chick in itaewon. alright!

gig in a week. =)

Can't have it, this habit
It's calling me back to my home

2008-12-22T02:49:00.000-08:00

thank goodness for the break. i think i really need one. just to get some fresh air. 2 more days. siiiiiiigh. this is really messed up. too many things clouding up my mind at the moment. been running around too much... messed up. messed up.

you have been a blessing jang! really appreciate it. think i owe you for the million dollar hug. thanks!

if there's such a thing as comfort music, then john denver is my kind of comfort music. it's like... going back to when i was a little kid. no worries. being bounced around at the back seat of the car. being able to sleep knowing that someone's driving me to some nice place - a place with great food and probably interesting things to play with. everything's good. everything's fine. i'd like that for a change. at least for a while.

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

2008-12-19T19:06:00.000-08:00

it just feels great being able to sleep late knowing that you don't have to wake up at 6am in the morning the following day. what a luxury! some people i will miss... some people i'll be happy to not meet for the rest of my life. i'm glad to leave it lying like that. no goodbye, no thank you, no well wishes. like that. plastic faces are not exactly appealing to me either.

korea in a few days time! how exciting! and i'll be coming back to hopefully new job offers. argh. money money money. ots horrible horrible horrible. now i understand why it hurts to be unemployed. you simply just bleed untill you die.

2008-12-02T06:17:00.000-08:00

argh the world is going crazy. this is really scary. and i wonder if all this is ever going to end. what a screwed up world we live in. 'something is happening here but you don't know what it is.'

and looking at all these things happening around you just makes you feel smaller. powerless. jostling amongst the masses trying to find your place in this world. feels like you're just being thrown from side to side in a moving train. feels like you're just another passenger waiting to get off at some pre-determined stop, of which you have no knowledge. and its scary. for amidst all these movement and uncertainty, we bicker about who's gonna buy drinks over lunch.

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

-Bob Dylan

talk about foresight.

2008-11-25T03:48:00.000-08:00

my goodness. so drained la! the running around takes it's toll.

i am officially an SMU student! how nice. theres a strong urge to get out of this rut and do things that are actually beneficial to my life. come on boy. you've been humbled for so long now. all the resentment, all the dissatisfaction, all the unfairness, all the anger, all the condescendence. like toads that have learnt not to jump. it's time to start on a new page. and rewrite everything. everything. and the kiss of life will make us humans again.

there's no efficiency in love.

everyone's marching.
everyone sings.
blood blood blood.

2008-11-12T05:18:00.000-08:00

and the big big word is

p r e t e n t i o u s

dream a little dream.

2008-11-01T07:42:00.000-07:00

sooner or later. somewhere down the line. you come to the sad conclusion that there is absolutely nothing. nothing in this world that is really under your control. not the weather, not your pet dog, not your spouse and no, not your children. nothing at all. zero. zilch. nil. nothing bar 3 pathetic things. you, you and you. we all desire to have someone or something that acts according to our will and values. but the empowerment felt when you mistakenly think you have something or someone under control, or someone who thinks and acts like you, is momentary. disparities soon arise, and there you're back on square one. no one can be totally at one with anything or anyone. it is infantile to think this possible. maturity comes with the realisation of this fact, and acceptance of responsibility. responsibility fully for yourself and everything beneath the perimeter of your skin. you are only in control of yourself. and only you can be fully accountable and responsible for yourself. to affect your surrounding is to influence. and i guess the key to that is personal mastery. but but i do realise that there is the other side of the coin. personnel mastery - manipulation glorified. let's just all be free. why seek to control things that can never be controlled when you're already a handful. you. you. yes you.

it's so nice to be happy. shalalala. everybody should be happy. shalalala. ok i think it's only apt that i post something brighter after a horrible week in the office. i just need wednesday to come. beginning of the end. sweetness!

What'll you do when you get lonely
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long.
You know it's just your foolish pride.

2008-10-29T04:33:00.000-07:00

the butter gets spread too thin. just like before. like the towel that has to be wrung one final time before being left to dry. wear and tear. and so you see the tempers flare.
it's the final countdown.

2008-10-22T09:08:00.000-07:00

so much to do, so little time.

fifty five smells like freedom.

sleepy.

2008-10-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

guilt is a rope worn thin.

yea maybe we haven't been moving anywhere lately. we need to breathe life into this war weary beast that has totally lost sight of where it's going. maybe it's been too long a journey. maybe it's the vision we've missed. maybe passion just lost out to realities of the world. maybe it's just a temporal stagnancy. maybe we forgot what we were in this for. a thousand and one reasons for why we always fall back to this pathetic state of helplessness. chasing butterflies. chasing butterflies. let's just go back to what we have. butterflies and hurricanes will come. and haha. we'd be enjoying the fun.

it does feel like it's getting a little cold here.

2008-10-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

season of change. yes i guess it's about time.

a bird in your hand is worth two in the bushes. goes something like that. not if the birds in the bushes are happy. ok totally different context. but isn't it great. to have two happy birds that fly around. why do people have to hold them in their hands. love can be so stifling.

i have forgotten the thrill of learning economic concepts. guess i still have it in me. goodness. can't wait to go back to school. 4 years of doing what i like. ahhhhhhhhhh. wonderful. i just hope at the end of 4 years the statement can still stand.

for every hung-up person in the whole wide universe.
we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.

2008-10-10T10:38:00.000-07:00

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs
You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

ouch. so is it better to die this way. ironic isn't it. to chase a life you want only to find yourself losing sight of yourself. losing everything that once was the essence of your being. leave tonight or live and die this way. i think i'll go join F1 instead. damn fast.

2008-10-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

of invisible hands and self serving interests. so we bring on the shackles. well alright.. it does seem like a case of binding the hands that seek to kill.

freedom fighters have their bad days too. takes a beating. is this still the same land of the free.

the blind never care about how people look at them.
do they?

matchsticks never scratch their head. they just die.

The harmonicas play the skeleton keys and the rain
And these visions of Johanna are now all that remain

2008-10-03T21:10:00.000-07:00

i think i've finally managed to get a hold of my life. ok maybe i should say get used to. but oh there's the danger of becoming too comfortable.

aiyaaa forgotten promises. stop being lazy.

money money money
must be funny

2008-09-29T03:43:00.000-07:00

and so now this has become the cause of every single thing that goes wrong. when there's nothing else left to blame. take a shot at faith. i'm exasperated.

love.

Not necessarily stoned,
but beautiful

2008-09-28T09:25:00.000-07:00

i'm really starting to look forward to my post ORD trip. KOREA baby! i can already picture myself getting up the plane at changi, straight after christmas service, with the festive mood still thick in the air. i'm sure the atmosphere's gonna be great. it's really quite a perfect time to go on a trip. i wanna go crazy in korea! COUNTDOWN IN SEOUL. niiiice!. check out some scenic places, go ski, go try some good food... goodness. i want to ORD tomorrow. 2 and a half months to go boy! hang in there. hang in there. hang in there. =)

i'm on a discover-new-old-music rampage at the moment. hendrix... clapton... STP. i really must bang my head against the wall for not listening to more of hendrix. so much to offer. 'are you experienced? have you ever been experienced?' damn attitude. i like!

being aware. so important.

But, sooner or later, one of us must know
You just did what you're supposed to do
Sooner or later, one of us must know
That I really did try to get close to you

2008-09-22T03:59:00.000-07:00

actually i do realise it's time i decided which are my top 10 favourite songs. hmm... think it's gonna be toughy... but ok lemme try.

Sweet Child o' Mine - Guns n Roses
I Want It All - Queen
Fields of Gold - Sting
Take Me Home Country Roads - John Denver
Worlds Apart - Bruce Springsteen
Otherside - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin
I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith
Foreverman - Eric Clapton
Voodoo Child - Jimi Hendrix

i shall not rank them. i need like ne whole week to decide then. this is enought for a day

2008-09-17T10:17:00.000-07:00

you can't get someone to do what you want. so you hurt yourself. thinking it will get you what you want. it doesn't. at least in my world it doesn't. it's more like a subtle form of manipulation. i'm not gonna let it happen. i love my freedom.

Super trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I wont feel blue
Like I always do
cause somewhere in the crowd theres you

2008-09-11T10:01:00.000-07:00

talk about my cup of tea. i'm not gonna be bought over as a company. when employees are your customers. relationship strings for sale. i just think it's cheap.

bob dylan! ahh... i think the half-talk, half sing way of delivering his songs has really grown on me. and his lyrical prowess... gosh.

The hollow horn plays wasted words
Proves to warn
That he not busy being born
Is busy dying

2008-09-01T08:27:00.000-07:00

been hooked on pirates soundtrack for quite a bit. but today i decided to take another listen to lord of the rings... and i concluded that. nothing can compare to that kind of exuberance and grandiose expressed in howard shore's music for the movie. only a soundtrack like that can do justice to a story as epic as lord of the rings. i remember having to force myself to read the books ever so slowly cuz i was so afraid that the story would end too soon. i wished it could go on forever. but damn no. i guess the idea of gathering a group of strangers together to work towards a common goal appealed really strongly to me. ohh gosh. i think i'm damn childish. naive. watever. i strongly believe in the fragility of the human heart, but the goodness and strength of the spirit will always prevail. yikes.

"For such is the way of it: to find and to lose, as it seems to those whose boat is on the running stream"

2008-08-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

haha ok it's a start. finally someone with the same sentiments. we've only been skin deep. time to move. maybe there really is a reason after all. time to see how far you can push this. people. people. people.

yeees. now we're getting somewhere.

The ice age is coming, the sun is zooming in
Engines stop running and the wheat is growing thin
A nuclear error, but I have no fear
London is drowning-and I live by the river

2008-08-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

it's like pouring everything you've got into a well that never seems to fill up. but you do it anyway. cuz it matters to you. it helps when you understand. but then again sometimes you wonder why even bother. one of those you're in-great-need-of-some-solitude days.
love.

i think one day the incessant need to find meaning in whatever you do will kill. so will the desire to see others feeling the same way. i just hate knowing that people people pass through life aimlessly. surely there must be a reason for everything you do. what would life be then? if its just work, going through the motion, why live. but i guess not everyone's like that. maybe life would be much simpler that way.

thank God for the second chance man. totally unexpected. i'm determined to make things right this time round.

no i beg to differ. money won't get you everything. period.

time and time,
you give and give.
but you learn,
learn to love.
time and time again.

2008-08-22T18:20:00.000-07:00

to some it's just a background sound, but to others it's a lifestyle. i guess some will never undestand what it feels like. but then again it could be the others that don't. i love my side of the grass.

2008-08-20T04:33:00.000-07:00

hmm... and sometimes after rushing around like a mad man.. you realise you're the root of all evil. maybe it's just the satisfaction of running about. i hope i've learnt to slow down. do wanna sit back and reflect on whats really important and whats not. goals, dreams and values.. gosh i sound like some goody goody nonsense shit. but i'd love to be passionate about everything that i do.

guess what. it's only you in the loop.

2008-08-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

sometimes good plain rock can be so liberating.

sometimes playing slash in boxes again can be so satisfying.

ohhhh how i miss the once familiar pentatonicish-bluesy-sloppy loud solos. that hair, that slight skip/jump, that i don't give a shit attitude, that vertically held guitar. slash - i've never been so influenced by any other. as much as i try to shake it off... it just feels comfortable playing like that. i guess facebook got me right about something. i'm a classic rock guitarist at heart. it's in my blood really. though i regret to say that i've inherited some of the untidyness in my playing. damn i gotta work on that.

hahaha ch if you're reading this i'm so sorry. any other genres.. they're all damn fun to play with. but straight clean rock. oooh. i just feel at home la.

everybody needs somebody
everybody needs someone
you're not the only one
you're not the only one

2008-08-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

i'm really curious about how mad people think. i guess it's what we don't know that makes us so afraid of them. they seem like they're capable of anything. unpredictable. ungoverned by reason. ok. the 20 min(felt like 20 years)long chit chat session with the mad man on the bus today was totally freaky. i was a little traumatised to be honest. damn... the other passangers who just sat and watch. they should have joined in! at least dilute the attention man. aiya haha. wth. quality time with mr mad man.

i desperately need an external hard disk! heeeelp.

siiigh. forgotten promises. you disappoint again. alllright. time to start again.

If you smiling, that should set the tone
Just be limber
If you let go, the music should groove your bones
Just remember
Sing this song with me

2008-08-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

the beauty of oldies. haha. i like! i love the simplicity of the songs la. ok maybe they're not exactly easy to play. but they're very well crafted. gives you that WAFF. makes you wanna go aaaaah. =)

dream dream dream.
don't you just wish thats all you have to do.
unfortunately no.
gee whiz you'll be dreaming your life away.

life. i'm 20. time. quarter way boy. i wanna burn for the next three quarters. and then sometimes i think that spending all my time sitting around playing music and singing ain't such bad idea after all.

nobody said it was going to be easy

I can make you mine,
taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day

2008-08-02T11:32:00.000-07:00

if there's anything that can make up for the fact that i'm missing this year's singfest, its FOP. more than make up actually. awesome.

i declare tomorrow my rest day. i promise to sleep like a pig, slack around the whole day, and think about shit.

Oh precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

2008-07-29T10:26:00.000-07:00

sigh. look how fragile we are. honestly i think there must be something that makes a relationship click. there has to be something that both can give and take. i wonder what that is. relationship for companionship sounds really cheap. wrong remedy for the disease. well any girl would suffice then. anyONE would. so why do people get attached and married eventually. gosh. LOVE. what constitutes a fruitful(no. not in that sense) and fulfilling relationship man. what is there to a relationship that really makes it different from any other. argh. i dun want to have just another person to talk to for the rest of my life! dammit i think i will never be satisfied. disgusting. i really need to ponder on this. don't wanna be a superficial piece of shit.

2008-07-22T07:35:00.000-07:00

maybe you're really just afraid, hiding behind that wall of thorns. fiercely independent, you refuse to lose control. you can't give in to the fact that you can no longer define your own happiness. there'd be the other equation to balance. you're paranoid. afraid that you'll be disappointed. but at the same time you're afraid of being disappointing. it really is all about self preservation. and so we raise the bars and we keep climbing.

the poet laments and a swan sings his last.

i can't quite figure out the role of the joker. the irrational beast that lives deep within us. the virus in the system - unpredictable. the outcast, the creep. watever the case, Heath Ledger. respect.

let the lowly brother glory in his exaltation, but the rich in his humiliation, because as a flower of the field he will pass away. for no sooner has the sun risen with a burning heat than it withers the grass; it's flower falls, and it's beautiful appearance perishes. so the rich man will also fade away in his pursuits.
-[James 1:8-11]

2008-07-18T01:31:00.000-07:00

because the world is round it turns me on.
because the wind is high it blows my mind.
love is all, love is new.
love is all, love is you.
because the sky is blue it makes me cry.

because the lyrics are weird i like it heard.

infer infer infer.

what do you want in life. yikes. honestly i hate that question. maybe its because i haven't been able to come up with an answer that i'm satisfied with. no wait i do know what i want. but to what end. urgh. i'll just see how things go.

here comes the sun!
it's ok cuz i'm having fun

2008-07-06T09:20:00.001-07:00

it's just you, your speedboat and the ocean(ok maybe you're with your wife who happens to be a hot chick). you've got mogwai's 'auto rock' blasting from the boat's speakers. the melody just goes on repeating, building itself up, layer upon layer. the song doesn't seem to end. neither does the sea. the sun is merciless, but you don't care. the sunlight is comforting. your hair is pulled all the way back by the cool wind. breathe in the scent of the sea. the slight saltiness of the air is surprisingly refreshing. you feel the power of the speedboat in your hands as you steer. a beast, strong and proud, yet sleek and elegant. a spot of white drawing lines upon the vast ocean as a trail forms behind the boat - like that of a curtain. every crash of the hull against undulating waves sends droplets of water into the air. crystals under the sun. you cry out loud, a cry of freedom, truimph, and release. right here, right now, you're unstoppable.

speedboat fantasies.

2008-07-05T06:43:00.000-07:00

beauty of music can be appreciated without even knowing what on earth the artist is talking about. yes. with sigur ros, i'm convinced that it can be done.

baileys. good book. sigur ros. life.

no seriously. what is it that you want.

and you realise somewhere somehow
something's missing
just like the walls

2008-06-29T05:59:00.000-07:00

i am in pain! red like a brick. literally. i can see myself shedding my skin over the next 3 days like a snake. ohhh shiiit. i hate the feeling. but yes. i've got kayaking one star! ahh. 2 days of fun. i think i wanna go kayaking more often next time. i hope i got the time man.

makes me wonder

2008-06-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

well... ok i must admit that there is a certain attaction to that kind of culture. so much more 'life'. though on deeper thought... i'm not exactly sure. going to parties and getting drunk.. sex drugs and all. i wonder if i can take all that. honestly i doubt it. i think its one thing to look at people live the culture and another to actually live it yourself. it's utterly infectious. and proudly so. to be part of the big dream. i guess it could go both ways. good or bad. its in the people.

viva la vida.

2008-06-17T04:57:00.000-07:00

ballack. awesome.

oh no. i'm gonna hit the big 2 tmr! siiigh. 20 years... so soon. next year i will be officially OLD. it suddenly hit me how fast time really passes. i'm 20, and i've already spent 1.5 years in army. thats about 7.5% of my life in the army. OH MY GOSH. thats quite a large slice of the pie don't you think. blrgh.

jethro tull. my latest source of inspiration.

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

oh God no.

2008-06-01T05:04:00.000-07:00

faith hope love. 3 words for 3 weeks. keep going boy. how apt, to walk out right now into another trip of totally different meaning. significant. i'd love to see this through.

i don't wanna miss a thing. which brings me to armageddon, which brings me to liv tyler. gosh those lips sure did some good on his daughter. i mean steven tylor. must be in the genes. ahh. armageddon. the only movie that really really made me feel like crying. no other has ever done that since. i think i'll take some time after my paper to watch it again. can't wait for tomorrow. =)

hope which was lost
now stands renewed

2008-05-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

Well it's a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
You know the night's magic
Seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight
Seems to shine in your blush...

Can I just have one a' more moondance with you, my love?
Can I just make some more romance with a' you, my love?

nice =)

2008-05-25T09:26:00.000-07:00

i hope i'm hearing the right things. argh so broken. Your will be done.

URGH. the agony of it all. i shouldn't be feeling like this. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. i wonder if anyone ever feels like that.

i'm tired. TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED. of giving.

now that felt really good.

2008-05-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

life should really be just about God, people, music, books and food. well ok. money too. i guess i'll have to add that in. else the combination would be running on nothing. haiya. i think i've had one of the best weekends this year. not too packed, but i get so much done than usual. its almost perfect. maybe i should learn to slacken off a bit more. spend more time at home too.

r e j u v e n a t e d . =)

micheale(meekella). 2 thumbs up.

i've got a sudden urge to do fields of gold. and i think i'll go learn harmonica just for the short melody. then we can try jamming it. nice man.

aiya i guess i need to take the failure as a lesson learnt. it was quite a smack in the ass. ouch la. but yes. i think my lack of focus is gonna get me killed some day. well maybe not kill... but damn. i really need to go back to where i started off this year. the promises and visions... need to get back on track la. honestly. i'm like just tumbling along. focus boy. focus.

was listening to sting on my usual late night walk home. the tranquility really hit me man. for a moment i felt like i was in heaven. don't ask me why. i have no idea. yea walks can be therapeutic. too.

in his arms she fell
as her hair came down
amongst the fields of gold

2008-05-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

OH GOD. now it feels like i'm being dragged through hell once again. frankly i dunno why i din pass the law module. considering the amount of time i actually spent on it, relative to the rest. yea ok i think the keyword here is relative. i din actually study much. admit it idiot. i guess some things never change. you're not cut out to memorise stuff dumbass. watever the case, these 2 weeks gonna be crap. you feel the weight again? siiigh. i conclude that i don't have an affinity with anyting related to law.

You must have one of them
new fangled back door man

2008-05-16T04:34:00.000-07:00

i must confess that there is a certain appeal to bowing the guitar. the way the hair on the bow starts to fray when hair meets metal. hammer and slide, hammer and slide. very cool. well in a twisted kind of way. jimmy turns the page.

and she's buying a
stairway to heaven

2008-05-10T08:05:00.000-07:00

restless! there's this gong sounding off in my head. do something do something do something. well i haven't exactly been productive of late.

i'm one hopeless shit at dessert. this is gonna be bad news, and pop goes the red bean.

i cannot quite comprehend how the tv can keep people occupied for hooouuuurs. not that i dun like to shut my mind from this insane world sometimes. but the tv just doesn't seem like an attractive form of relief.

it's mommy day tmr. ok i dun feel so bad, now that i've spent some time with my family. tomorrow its business as usual.

oh weary weary boots.
how you've been worn.
where's your shoe shine
and that sole of mine.

aiiiyaaaaaaa.

2008-05-08T08:51:00.000-07:00

so irritataed by my sis. go listen to your radio.

i shall say it again that i looooove bruce springsteen. its not so much of perfect singing, good pitching and stuff. its about the frankness and earnesty in the delivery. meaning what you sing. i guess he writes and sings from experience, and it comes out strong when he does songs live. he somehow manages to connect with that coarse voice of his. makes you wanna listen to him. watching him play live over youtube makes my hair stand man. i wonder what it'll feel like watching him live. the E street band's awesome too. and i feel horrible.. that they'd have to lose their keyboardist after so many years. i love it when bruce works with them. theres a signature sound to the whole package. i still rmb the very first album i heard from bruce and the band.... haha. 'the rising' gosh i was like sec 3/4? took me some time... but i loved that album. raaah. i hope they manage to keep that sound. but i guess things in the band will never be the same. not when you lose someone like that. born to run. they sure live up to it.

She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
And she'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay a million miles away

2008-05-04T05:23:00.000-07:00

ah ok going to the zoo makes me feel like a kid again. it was nice.... going through everything. i'd like to know if animals recognise faces. like how we humans do. like maybe ah meng number one has a mole on his chin and ah meng number 2 is balding slightly if they ever do. faces. faces. but i guess animals are never like us.

ok i understand why people will wanna criticise chc. but please please. go and see for yourself. why build opinions upon words. look behind all the nice packaging and professionalism which some may take as a form of marketing. its an earnest desire to serve and to love. in this house i have grown, and no matter where i end up next time, i must say that i love it. God's house. God's house.

i'm in a easy swingy mood these days. probably why i feel the urge to do some easy feel good songs. the last year has been really heavy. time to reflect and change. new start boy.

simple and genuine.
thats all i ask.

2008-04-28T05:32:00.000-07:00

oh boy oh boy. one more week man! one more week! come on there are so many things waiting to be done. i can't wait. haha i suddenly feel like a kid going on a holiday. well tonight's the final countdown. it all starts tomorrow. i wonder if i'm ready. but it really is too late to wonder.

joe banamassa. so it takes a new discovery to bring you to right back to where you first started.

now who's gone off the path. who who who. turn to the old faces. sometimes they're all you need to see. reach in reach out. i think i'll stick to out. haha gosh am i even in. oh noooo.

sloe gin sloe gin
drink so you're clean

2008-04-21T05:22:00.000-07:00

pink martini is cooool. lightens up my black and blue.

i'm sorry but i'm so gonna take that as stealing. a million apologies will account for nothing. forgive but not forget. i'll only move on from there.

Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you'll be divine

oh little tomato.

2008-04-13T08:52:00.000-07:00

sigh. two weeks of hell coming up. i really need to endure. and just get through this. no jamming, not going out(though i suspect i will just screw it and go out on weekends anyway), no time for my guitar, no time to spare in the kitchen. its just me against my notes. but oh well. i guess after that i'm really a free free soul. time to find myself, time to think abt stuff, time to plan for the dream stall man. haha. so so excited.

God i'm happy this way. i really just wanna stay like that for as long as possible. it's one of those moments where you know you can take on anything. hopefully this burst will last me for the 2 weeks. daammit. how am i going to miss my recharging sessions. ok i shall not.

i'm not sure why i choose the very unpolished, raw feel of the chili peppers over the almost perfect delivery of muse. i guess i'd like to be reminded of the fact that we're all humans. ordinary people doing different things. as much as we all like to be different. as much as we all try to be different. think we're just people conforming to different ideals. such that we might feel we're set apart. hm but then again. its a horrible feeling when you can't seem to fit. being set apart suddenly doesn't seem like such a cool thing anymore. people are really weird.

muggerzoid i choose you

2008-04-11T04:41:00.000-07:00

Bag pipe no more. Roar. I am the waaaalruss. Googoogachuew.

2008-04-10T09:28:00.000-07:00

sigh. tattered and torn. i think i'm helpless. humbled and ashamed. like a naked babe. flail and wail... oh gosh i'm lost. to what cause? for what cause? sigh. ok i'm bent on being more effective. but i only got 24 hours a day. i can only hope and pray that this month will come to pass without too much damage being done. honestly the lack of sleep is getting to me. sometimes i find it amusing coz i oversleep and drop off at a later stop while taking the mrt. but on further thought i'm horribly sad that i have to resort to sleeping in the office, on train rides, before classes, even on my dad's car to survive. if my tiredness doesn't kill me i think my exasperation will. i wonder how long can i take this really. i wonder how long this valley will last. coz i've never had such a tough ride ever before. even before the A's. i wonder how dark things will get. i just wanna close my eyes and shut out everything. everything. everything. but then it won't make a difference. honestly i'm very sorry for what my family has to go through. i'm like a deflated irish pipe the moment i step into the house. whatever amount of gas thats left in me just leaks out. like how the bus produces the depressing psssshhhh sigh when it brakes. i just make a helpless squeak that sounds like a dingdong bell running on low batt. or rather. like the deflated irish pipe. i like the deflated irish pipe better. more musical. so it comes out like a weak pffeefft. haha. trying to humour myself at 1am in the morning. oh man i'm suddenly reminded of the fact that i need to work tmr. and that i need to wake up at 6 and somehow last all the way to 10 at night. God this isn't helping. i feel like just rambling on and on about how sick i am. but i know i need to shower. and i know i need to sleep. and only God knows how tired i am. save. me. please.

what a long complaint. but i feel slightly better. one more the the useless ramblings that justs eats up more of my time.

so much for being effective.

teach me how to love

like you have loved me

2008-04-06T06:37:00.000-07:00

but then there are times when i think ns isnt that bad. for all the friends and experiences. it could all be worth the while. i guess i'm just tired going throught the motion everyday. for the people yea? only for the people.

food is really like making music. i'd liken cooking to composing. a master chef in a kitchen to a conductor in an orchestra. an explosion of flavour to a head banging riff. no wonder they complement each other so well. haha i must confess it is quite enjoyable. blasting queen or the beatles in the kitchen. and then i'll have books for dessert.

feel do think. feel think do.

dancers who dance

upon injustice

2008-04-05T10:21:00.000-07:00

maybe the truth is everything's fake. maybe we should all be looking out for the mask that is never worn. maybe thats the only one that really matters. maybe nothing matters at all.

why degrade yourself. being cold isn't cool. gosh i hope i'm not. i'll keep the fire.

but you feel like it, don't you. an eye for an eye.

oh shut up.

give it away

give it away now

2008-03-26T05:01:00.000-07:00

gastronomy inc.
welcome to the world where senses rule.

i think my body is falling apart. sigh. admit it. taking it's toll. late nights, horrible eating habits, all the running around. i am in dire need of a break. i have this sudden urge to just drop everything. everything. just to be able to get a good sleep, read the papers over a lazy breakfast. go for a relaxing swim, read some book, surf the internet abt stuff that interest me. go for lunch at some comfy eatery(i think i'll just spend a bomb on that. i don't really care, the way i feel now), play some acoustic guitar, and go hunt for interesting recipes. then i'll get one or two friends over, watch a cool dvd(i'd prefer sting's all this time) while eating dinner-which of course, i'll cook. i'll make dessert too. just for fun. and then we can go shop for some nice beer/wine/watever. and go down to the poolside for some nonsense talk. with of course, the beer/wine/watever. my friends will all go home. and i'll be taking a long warm shower, knowing my bed will be waiting for me after it all. i'd think abt my dreams, doing things i love to do, and i'll sink into the wonderful world of sleep.

reality check. you don't have any days free. you're so tied up. your exams are coming up. you're serving ns. dammit.. how the vision comes crashing down like an avalanche. on top of the world. now you're so under. GOD! SAAAAAVE MEEEEEEE.

be my centre

be my guide

2008-03-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

aaaaaaah. the strain. the strain. i think i've gotten worse these days. i'm not even sleeping at one already. 3-4hrs in zee zee land for a few days isnt doing much to my battery. hm. but then again there are so many things to be excited about. sleeping does seem like a waste of time sometimes. yes i have decided that its all about passion, love and building people. all for the big big dream man. let's just put things into action and watch it play out. i hope i cut it. we must cut it.

ok i dunno why but i have been put into a very reflective mood recently. like i need to find myself again. or more like i need to know myself better. so that i know my place better. so in know what i can offer. i guess its bad considering the fact that my exams come in a months time. horrible time to ponder boy. dammit haha i know i like what i study but gosh. i can't wait for it all to be over and then i can concentrate on the real deal.

laceration that bleeds of your sins. do you see it now?

and in the midnight hour

it came stealing

2008-03-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? the answer lies within. yes the all important self realisation.

alright alright. i need a total review of every single thing that i'm doing right now. i think i have never quite settled the 'why' and the 'for what'. now it's come full circle to haunt me. the last week has been... i can't really place it. look inside a little bit more. look inside a little bit more.

it's quite amazing how some people that you meet can totally alter the course of your life. (its similarly amazing to note how some simply just... don't) i think i'm in the midst of such an alteration. dammit. i can't really decide where i wanna go just yet. time. time. time. and i thought my ns life was not going to have a great impact on me anyway. turned out quite differently. seems like so many crucial decisions have to be made now.

where do robins go

when summer turns cold

2008-03-10T09:56:00.000-07:00

to fall. to sleep. to lose. to sin.
redemption rejection.
to run. to seek. to hide. to burn.
systematic chaos.
to think. to fear. to dread. regret.
reflection repentance.
to fight. to change. to trust. to pray.
eternal salvation.

revelation revelation. i can finally say that i uderstand one album by dream theater. all of a sudden systematic chaos has so much meaning behind it. its really quite a different experience... listening to it. now i understand the pervasive darkness throughout the album. how come i never noticed.

In the hour of darkness

The moment I feared has passed

2008-03-06T04:03:00.000-08:00

angus young must have a whole riff industry planted at the back of his head. coz i havent' seen anyone who can produce time after time simple yet powerful riffs on the most basic of rock beats. so amazing. back to your roots again eh.

you wait in trepidation for the arrival.
and here it comes like a thief in the night.

one of these days.

not too far away.

you'll come looking for me.

but i'll be gone.

2008-03-03T07:31:00.000-08:00

hm. this year is gonna be special. i am quite sure. keep your word, hold your bond. make it work. it's the season of change. as usual.

the genuine truth. the false truth. the genuine fake. the false fake. we're all in different ways exhibitionists. which mask are you gonna put on tomorrow? i'm really scared.

when the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

male by birth,

man by choice.

2008-02-24T07:33:00.000-08:00

you know you're tired when you don't even feel like making people laugh. coz you can hardly pull off a hearty one yourself. Tired.I.Am. damn.

you keep feeding the fire,
to keep up that shadow of a man.
and you keep fanning the flame,
against the encroaching dark.

ok i guess the tiredness is still tolerable. i'll just be dragging myself along. it's been so long. surely it will all come to pass. lift me up.

we've gotta find a new direction. it seems powerjam is too distant a dream to work towards at the moment. tired of plain simple jamming. vision and goals. vision and goals. we're lost... in some sense. but we're found too. in another sense. when all of us finally do align, the possibilities boy.

why do you fear? why should you fear. oh come on. be of good cheer.

one word is enough

for all of us

2008-02-21T07:48:00.000-08:00

you wanna do something.
you can't do something.
therefore, nobody can do anything.
and nobody gets nothing.

you think it makes you feel better.
you do feel better.
selfishness eats up pleasure.
you don't feel better.

hm. what a way to think. i think its horrible.

ahhh that simple easy feeling. i only get these on days without lesson. some good quiet time on my own. therapeutic man! i used to think i can live on just good food good music and good books. some things just don't change. well ok i do understand the need for good people. too.

so wat kind of life do you wanna have mister?

power, love and discipline.

and i still haven't found

what i'm lookin' for

2008-02-18T06:58:00.000-08:00

Queen- i want it all

Adventure seeker on an empty street
Just an alley creeper light on his feet
A young fighter screaming with no time for doubt
With the pain and anger can't see a way out
It ain't much I'm asking I heard him say
Gotta find me a future move out of my way

I want it all I want it all I want it all and I want it now

Listen all you people come gather round
I gotta get me a game plan gotta shake you to the ground
Just give me what I know is mine
People do you hear me just give me the sign
It ain't much I'm asking if you want the truth
Here's to the future for the dreams of youth
I want it all (give it all) I want it all I want it all and I want it now

I'm a man with a one track mind
So much to do in one life time (Do you hear me people?)
Not a man for compromise and where's and why's and living lies
So I'm living it all (yes I'm living it all)
And I'm giving it all (and I'm giving it all)

It ain't much I'm asking if you want the truth
Here's to the future
Hear the cry of youth (hear the cry hear the cry of youth)

I want it all I want it all I want it all and I want it now

just when i thought i found a song that can fully represent what i'm feeling..

' you won't know He is all you need untill He is all you have.'

and then it all falls down.

ok so i'm standing again. yesterday's emotional snowball sort of died. seeing too many faces a week makes you sick i guess.

we've got all the love in the world

to shed the light

2008-02-17T07:16:00.000-08:00

it's not how hard the punch,
but how tender the touch.
it's not how much weight you can lift,
but how much burden you can carry.

you damned beast of burden. how much more can you carry. how much more can you give. how much more can you take. why. it's all self inflicted, no? you had the choice. you have the choice. oh. so it's being burdened by choice. i need some sleep. i'd love to talk to God abt this. abt THESE.

back to shithole tomorrow. just another piece of rubbish added to your already messed up mind. get out of it you ass. 2 weeks is a long time. i need this week to end.

it's always about the love. to love is to give, but in what capacity. and then lust plays out and you take. but don't we all need to take. don't we all need love. i'd love to love. i'd love to give. but i'd love to be selfish too. it's a good feeling.. to just take isn't it. maybe you just haven't seen the other side of the fence. the other side that's getting barren. the growing defecit. who's to give the givers. who's to care for those who care. who's to smile at the unfriendly sales personnel who's tired of putting up a smile. who's to back the ones who try to lift up the people around. who.

God. gimme sting therapy. yes and i think i'm going against the very principles that i stand on. weak shit you're letting it bend you. set it free man. let go. let go and so fade away. i know it's nt just that... but aiya. ok. you don't get everything you ask for. maybe better things come along only later.

let go,

and so

fade away.

2008-02-15T09:06:00.000-08:00

i really am quite speechless. i dun think i've felt so drained for a long time. but the satisfaction. worth every bit of it. strength to strength. long way to go man. its just febuary. many more battles to be fought.

hallelujah

2008-02-13T06:38:00.000-08:00

humans are weird. we all possess this desire to achieve greater material satisfaction, yet we are unwilling to accept the prevalent need to change. it becomes a constant struggle between stability brought about by preservation- the comforting constant, and the compulsion to adapt and improve. forward into the rearview mirror. tension baby brings misery.

get out of this world.

i want to touch the flame, where the streets have no name.

hush now, hush now,

for these walls have eyes

2008-02-09T19:53:00.000-08:00

ah dammit. you were so wrong. you were so wrong.

listening to sting is quite a rejuvinating experience. makes you feel like having a lazy afternoon at some countryside playing a mini guitar. i'd love to get a house like sting's. ah ok when i'm like 50 i'll go rent one for a month. like some pretty cottage kinda thing. at some isolated place with beautiful scenery and all and totally shut myself frm the world. invite friends over and just play music. then we'll have those very intimate gig sessions with friends and family. mm. with a huge huge band like springsteen's but play soft soft music like sting. and i'll cook yea. oh yea. alright maybe not all the time. wat a life man. haha i confess. i'm quite a dreamer.

well. i hope the wake is gonna be like guard duty. i've got my ipod at least. weapon against boredom. raah. and i get my monday off. sigh.

on and on the rain shall fall

like tears from the sun

2008-02-07T01:05:00.000-08:00

new year at the hospital. not so hospitable. even the CNY deco looks rather morbid. jarring, in fact. it's tough working in a hospital. i don't think i can ever. wears people out so easily. who will heal the healers?

first encounter with death. definitely not pretty. it surprised me to see how a dead person can look so much like he's sleeping. short of the rise and fall of the chest. quite surreal. like you'd expect the person to just sit up and have a good chat with you. but then you're reminded of the fact that its all vacant inside.

why let the passing of a kin spoil the bonds of the living. family politics, urgh disgusting.

I want to run

I want to hide

I want to tear down the walls

That hold me inside

I want to reach out

And touch the flame

Where the streets have no name

2008-02-03T07:00:00.000-08:00

forgiveness. focus. fortitide. faith. ah you cold bastard. learn to love people more la.

endurance man. you came to finish it. get going.

something random. my entries are getting shorter. er.

these are the soul cages.

prison of the ages.

2008-02-01T08:51:00.000-08:00

mm. i guess in the end it boils down to what you want. wrong wrong. it should be what you need. let's not be skin deep shall we.

2008-01-29T07:28:00.000-08:00

big rock, big heart. U can do it 2. don't you wish it were true.

haaaaiya. huge huge thank you to melvin for the U2 box set. i totally love it. always respected U2 for their purpose in music. now i love them even more. its so pretty la.. pictures... book and all. but physical things aside.... i think U2 always had a reason for making music. and its not just for music's sake. probably why their songs are so simple anyway. but yes. it has a purpose lah. wonder if thats the way we should be driven. actually it is... isnt it. every song... every offering from an artist. its a sneak peak into each one of their private lives and perspectives. and they all try to convey something. ah you idiot. get a life. HOW IN THE WORLD MAN. ok back to U2. it's interesing to see how their sound has changed over the years... mmm. guess they're of a different class from the other rock bands. i can't really place them beside the old sch rock stuff... a bit more polished. like.... the police. yes yes. that kinda feeling. aaaaah. find your own sky to fly in la.

Take these shoes.

Click clacking down some dead end street.

Take these shoes.

And make them fit.

Take this shirt.

Polyester white trash made in nowhere.

Take this shirt.

And make it clean, clean.

Take this soul.

Stranded in some skin and bones.

Take this soul.

And make it sing.

Yahweh, Yahweh.

Always pain before a child is born.

Yahweh, Yahweh.

Still I'm waiting for the dawn.

2008-01-28T08:28:00.000-08:00

woosh. thank God la. ok it's done. no hearts broken fortunately. yup wk i pray tt you will find a playground of your own. really do appreciate the times... idol and powerjam. your contributions and everything. well it isn't goodbye anyway. you'll do much better on your own la. i know you will do better.

2008-01-27T08:28:00.000-08:00

gosh... hearing Dr A.R. Bernard preach is always a tormenting experience. makes me think a lot. too much man! suddenly you see too many things... then you realise you've been quite a fool. this will occupy me for a couple of days. i gotta get myself settled. wat are you gonna do. what are you gonna do. what are you gonna do. what are you gonna do. what are you gonna do. what are you gonna do. and then theres the big HOW. really do need to adjust my perspective a little.

so is this it? it's gonna end this way? i hope that i'm right about this. ok no turning back. this should have been a closed case last year dammit. please. let there be no hard feelings.

country roads

take me home

to the place i belong

2008-01-25T10:27:00.000-08:00

raaaah i'm on a rampage man. so much to do so much to do! keep that spirit of yours up too. for it's the weeeekend baaaaybeh. =)

i really need some new year injection into my gradually depleting funds. though like... most of it gotta go into building fund. a little help wouldn't hurt. i'm fantasising abt my end year overseas trip already. i'm flirting with australia, hong kong, taiwan and phuket. actually the thing is i wanna go kayaking. or canoeing. anything tt requires paddling on clear blue waters. dammit. i just think it will be so therapeutic. like some form of cleansing before i ORD. money money money. must be farnie. oh i just googled australia. there really is a paddling spot. oh gosh.. i gotta rob some bank soon.

haha i am starting to love the beatles la! the simplicity of their songs... totally disguises the amt of musicianship and craft they possess. dammit. how could i dismiss them as nothings for so long. well... better late than never. glad i decided to give them another listen. guess it happens la. so many ancent CDs tt i bought.. totally hated them. but i love them like crazy now. hurh. we all change eh.

come together

right now

over me

2008-01-22T07:04:00.001-08:00

argh this lifestyle is gonna get me killed. i hope i'm still standing 4 months from now. i really wonder when am i gonna crumble and surrender to my weariness. its time to call for divine intervention. HELP.

2008-01-22T07:04:00.000-08:00

2008-01-20T07:45:00.000-08:00

i have come to really dread sunday nights. its like... pre monday blues. somehow after i dive into monday.... things will be better la. i just hate the feeling that its coming. the mad rush and all.

wufu is really a nice guy. ok i know he wasn't much of a teacher. but yea i guess now i really do respect him a lot. it takes a lot la. i wonder what he went through.... probably much eyeballing from friends... no nos from family and stuff. yes i think he's deeper than that. its really horrible of me but frankly i won't be able to do what he did. it must have been love!

aaargh i gotta carry tt momentum from sunday la. must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must keep that fire burning. gosh i have like tons of things i'm feeling right now but i can't seem to put them into words. what a heady brew of nonsensical everythings. i can't even identify specifically. its like figuring out single lines out of an insane harmony. how apt. haha. shalalalaalalallaalateeta. raaah.

the angels sang

a whiskey lullaby

2008-01-13T08:47:00.000-08:00

so tired so tired. but i guess i'm happy. i want sid to come back soon.. we're so incomplete. today was refreshing. i liked it a lot. singing and all. wat a change. alright man. new wineskin to fit the new wine. it's really time to move on.

s h e d . y o u r . s k i n .

i am quite proud of my class ah. its been so long.... finally some signs of maturity. after all these while of ploughing. maybe i just never noticed or given my time. i hope i'm winning the people back. was worth it after all man! i do wanna pull some people back in. hmm... think boy!

i dunno if its a good or bad thing but i've learnt to distinguish between genuine genuine friendships and the hi-bye kinds. ok maybe not distinguish. i could very well distinguish long ago. its more like discriminate to put it bluntly. its increasingly harder for me to accept people into tt core. as much as i want people in. but i do treasure tt inner grp of pple more. much much more. sometimes i think of how many people i know, and how many i actually actually know. its a horrible ratio. damn i gotta work on that outer circle of mine.

hallelujah

2008-01-09T08:06:00.000-08:00

today i had a DXO applicant coming for psychometric test. he couldnt walk. as in really. like he will just crumble without his walking stick. to be frank his way of walking was so horrible that its a pain to watch. i cringed inside everytime he took a step. i don't think i'll ever forget the rhythmic pressure of his hand upon my shoulder as i walked him out of cmpb. dammit. its haunting. like i was trying to talk normally to him when so many thoughts were going through my mind. i have so many dreams and wishes in the new year but this man, hardly 4 years older than me, if he had one wish to be granted i think it would be to walk normally. its not fair. i felt horrible frankly. i was humbled though i was the normal one. his manner of walking... spoke so much more of strength. the pathetic and ugly steps that he took, bleeds of will and the desire to live, such that in his weakness, he is strong. i watched as he clung onto his support while waiting for his dad to come fetch him. i couldnt help but think of wat kind of life he could have led, if not for that one defect. he was a really nice guy to talk to. but then i though... God had made him just as beautiful, if not even more beautiful than many of us, who are not in any way physically disabled. i'm sure God has a purpose when He does things. and i believe he will be an inspiration to the people around him, just as he was to me. i faked a smile and waved goodbye.

2008-01-08T07:29:00.000-08:00

gosh this is the year i'll be setting so many goals i think i'll go crazy trying to fulfill all of them. i seriously need one whole day to get everything down. to plan and stuff. time la time. i do need to get my money matters in check. waha investment class is so gonna be useful. its a good semester. i can feel it. better teachers, more interesting modules. useful stuff. so inspired to study. =D

this year, i must freaking

1. get my damn diploma. i dun want to just get the papers la.
2. get my driving license.
3. SAVE MONEY. somehow.
4. if possible... get a licence to drive a yatch.
5. go overseas with friends and go crazy before i ORD.
6. join powerjam!
7. being around my parents more la. home too.
8. aiya my secret is out. i wanna learn cooking. dang~
9. spend more time with people whom i havent been in touch with.
10. GUITARING and writing.

the big ten. yea... and i want to sow my time into other stuff too. so important. so important.

business as usual

it's getting habitual

2008-01-03T06:11:00.000-08:00

ahh. reminisce reminisce reminisce. i think this is really how every song is unique to everyone. country road really had a lot of meaning to me. ok it still has its significance now. like... all my childhood innocence is written inside. its a certain feeling that comes with the song that's so comforting. sings of the wild dreams of my childhood. sweet sweet memories. =)

before we all grow old.

2007-12-31T12:05:00.000-08:00

mm... 2007 has been a good year i would say. i felt it ended really well. though it was like... many many ups and downs along the way. come to think of it.... ns wasn't much of a bother anyway. could still afford to go out, take lessons, jam and stuff. well.. not too bad. nxt year i shall push harder for time. esp with my parents. its something i have totally neglected this year.

anyhow, i am really looking forward to 2008. i think it'll be a smash man. hahaha i got so many things to do and i ORD this year too. i'm quite eager to start working on things already. 2008! RAAAAH. i declare tmr vision day. many many things to plan for and think about. boy am i excited!

aaah. and just 2 minutes before midnight, it was done.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne,

my dear,

For auld lang syne.

We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp!

And surely I'll be mine!

And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

We twa hae run about the braes

And pou'd the gowans fine.

We've wandered mony a weary foot,

Sin' auld lang syne.

We twa hae sported i' the burn,

From morning sun till dine,

But seas between us braid hae roared

Sin' auld lang syne.

And ther'es a hand,

my trusty friend,

And gie's a hand o' thine;

We'll tak' a right good willie-waught,,

For auld lang syne.

2007-12-28T08:28:00.000-08:00

ahhh. its going to be be one helluva weekend. new year blast man. after that i really got to settle myself down to study. my gay buddy sid's leaving the country dammit. after so many many changes... theres the connection there la. understanding too. it will be tough man it will be tough. sometimes i wonder.

haha. 'in love with love.' i think i'll make tt my phrase of the year for 2008. wat's this year's? i think its 'give peanuts and you get monkey'. yes i remember now.

i've got many many things that i wanna do in 08. though i dun think i have the time... i'd love to try for music ministry. i wanna freaking do well for my diploma course, and damn i wanna get a driving licence. i wanna spend more time with people whom i didn't really have time for this year. i wanna give powerjam another shot. i wanna write songs. and then there are things that He wants. 2008 is gonna be a rush man. maybe its not such a bad thing.

life's just a ride

enjoy the ride

2007-12-23T08:57:00.000-08:00

the candles really blew me away. so overwhelming. after going europe i thought i won't be seeing anything that could match the stuff there. but damn. what i saw and felt today equaled or bettered all of that. really can't put it into words. i love christmas =)

aaah. ok so my long hidden interest in ahem. cooking. is finally going somewhere. haha jamie oliver meets pavarotti. oh my gosh this is interesting.

Feliz Navidad

Prospero Ano y Felicidad

2007-12-20T07:32:00.000-08:00

haha as if i wasn't old school enough. led zeppelin and DT.. they're so gonna get me rooted. in a good way i would say. do realise that no matter how many detours i take, i'll still end up with rock. its in my blood i think. i'd like to ask God if i can revolutionise gospel music when i get to heaven.

i couldnt quite get what warlords was trying to say. so was blood thicker than water? i got quite confused towards the end. there were really like 'huh?' moments in the show. like i dunno if they meant it or we were supposed to laugh. AND its irritating how i have resorted to reading english subtitles watching a chinese show. dammit. oh the takashi guy still looks as pretty as ever. the female lead wasn't even as pretty. shld have picked some other hot chick la!

hahaa i am really starting to like mr wanton eugene mee. well they made a right choice putting me as the upper study la. the camarederie's starting to show.

i'm just gonna think about christmas for now. the idea of nt being able to have proper jams over weekends in jan is totally disgusting. i'll probably take the chance to invest my time in people.

people come together

and we are all made of stars

2007-12-16T06:12:00.000-08:00

i think i've been a horrible son while my parents were away. i was a better son of God though. i really wanna have the best of both worlds. and then again. i wanna have the best of so many worlds. i shall admit that i'm tired. argh. prisoner of the fugitive mind. dammit. i must set myself free. its possible isnt it.

christmas will be really special this year. i guess 3 years ago it had a different significance. i promise i'll never go there again.

go to bed go to bed go to bed go to bed.

what goes around comes around

and now i'm spinning round

2007-12-11T11:09:00.000-08:00

oh God i love my band.

2007-12-07T07:08:00.000-08:00

wooo i'm havin a good time! don't you stop me now! quite high ah. weekend's here again. =) =) =) i looooove queen's carnival kinda feel to some of their songs. good to listen to when you're high. sometimes i wanna have zikai's ability to induce 'highness', even if its only for himself. hahahha.

oh nooo. my diiirty secret is out! haha! oh well.

this is really the life man! yikes i have mixed feelings about going back to school for investment class. shuuucks. all of a sudden my life will get sucked away. saturdays burnt, wed and thur gone. daaaaamn. the mad rush comes again. come on la. endure you shit! it IS interesting... exams are irritating though.

i think i would have fallen in love with miss chah if she were my age la! really do respect her for her drive, compassion, and the ability to influence. a competent leader in every sense. so much to learn. so much to take. God put here for a reason after all. shit i gotta rethink. i guess i was selfish at times. change you idiot. change.

touch my world with your fingertips

and we can have forever

2007-12-03T07:25:00.000-08:00

a heady brew of everything. what now brown cow? God i need time!

i do realise buses have a way of braking that sounds like they are sighing. in a sort of deflated kind of way. quite depressing really. pshhhhhhhhffffft. ahhhh.

damn. i dun like questions that i can't really answer. but then again. it's so important. so important.

hm. i really like miss chah. there is this peace inducing aura about her. makes the world a better place.

2007-11-30T08:31:00.000-08:00

be inspired, be inspired, be inspired. i really love what i do. i think i'd do it for life. but life doesnt want me to. oh shit.

the comeback king! raaah. ok in some ways i miss my class. seems like its a different calling altogether. try, try, try. haven't lost the touch i think. i hope. i wish. we shall see. above all, i haven't lost the people. i haven't lost the heart.
aiyo. looking at graduating classes reminds me of my own grad. guess tts why the strings start to pull.

my musical taste is taking a trip around the world la. why am i going back to things like moby, wes, buble, random chill out songs... oh gosh. God speed me back to rock. the firm one tt i always stand on. hmm.. maybe i don't mean it in just musical terms.

check the waitress

the rocky mistress

2007-11-27T06:48:00.000-08:00

come on hold my hand. you're slipping off man.
yucks. we're so fragile after all.

i think dec is our month. nxt year will be tough. damn. pfft. i wonder how things are gonna work out. the hiatus might just break our momentum... us for tt matter. aaaaiya. just when we got back on track. RAH. gotta come back stronger nxt year. and hopefully rally for powerjam. i'll just keep my eyes shut and bask in whatever we have now.

smile, if you must.
ok i did find that quite interesting.

if you fall

i will catch you

i'll be waiting

time after time

2007-11-18T06:51:00.000-08:00

two years after o, i finally dared to give 9 a listen. damn was it scary. so many many strings attached. so many. so many. so many. it was really significant then. i guess it still is now... its sort of like.. looking ahead at the rearview mirror. so much has changed. i think i have changed. too. yikes i wanna bang my head against the wall. haha.

reminisce, reminisce

you forgot that i remember this

2007-11-12T04:47:00.000-08:00

Caress the one, the Never-Fading
Rain in your heart - the tears of snow-white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding Amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

therein lies the amaranth
therein lies the amaranth

2007-11-08T05:54:00.000-08:00

dammit. i know i shldnt have started on facebook. now i'm like wasting time doing stupid things and playing scrabble. AAAAH. i hate peer pressure. yiiiiikes. but oh well. good chance to start reaching out to pple who have been like totally out of my world for some time.

life's been pretty much relaxing recently. without lessons and all. time to meet up with pple already! catch up with my reading and stuff... i'd love to pay timbre II a visit one of these days.
draw me some inspiration.

and there you've got your defences up again. welcome to the jungle.

nobody said it was going to be easy.

be my source

be my path

be my guide

2007-10-26T08:49:00.000-07:00

someday when i get into uni, i promise i will commence operation timbre. work is work in the day. but by nightfall, work is play. =)

one of those ridiculous dreams. not entirely impossible though. i just need to pull more strings. somehow i feel like i do know how, its just tt i have never really tried to fight for it. and we're not ready. yet. operation timbre alright? operation timbre.

i really suspect i suffer from schizo. i'm torn between having a super high paying job leading some high life and a life doing what i like to do most... just play. i do want to have the best of both worlds. but they seem to be worlds apart. argh ok that was stale. i just don't want to be an old fart when i finally start playing...

amazing how frequencies can make a difference. you can take 10 years and nt get through to a person but for some you only need a day. today was good. somehow haha despite screw ups here and there. turned out fun. i also found out how much i wanna go uni. please. 2009.

i declare "give peanuts and you get monkey," phrase of the year. i love it.

a shot of prozac.

the blurry eye on the mosaic .